THE 20 MOST REALISTIC RUNNING RESOLUTIONS EVER

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  1. Do not sign up for races when you have had more than two cocktails.
  2. Only eat white snow while on long runs.
  3. Do not be as fast as Kara Goucher – because everyone needs to have one achievable resolution.
  4. Avoid hitting the wall in your next race by actually following the training plan.
  5. Resist the urge to punch someone in the face just because he or she tells you for the 99th time that running is bad for your knees.
  6. Remember to actually strength and cross train instead of just reading a million articles about how important it is and never doing it.
  7. Stop apologizing every time you get a pedicure and your toenail falls off in the nail technician’s hand.
  8. Keep the water in your bottles from freezing during your long run by not running when it’s so darn cold outside. Duh.
  9. Save water and electricity by washing your running clothes less frequently. Wear more deodorant.
  10. Always be aware that spandex can produce camel toe.
  11. Learn how to do a snot rocket. Nothing says you’re a real runner more than being able to projectile your boogers out of your nose.
  12. Avoid over-talking about running to people who don’t care about running.
  13. Do not assume that a nagging injury will go away if you just run on it more.
  14. Finish one darn tube of ChapStick.
  15. Take up smoking until at least March so you can quit smoking and see how much better you feel when you run.
  16. Do not eat any of the following the night before a race: chili, chili dog, chili
    cheeseburger, chili fries, chili smothered burrito, or baked potato topped with chili.
  17. Keep a running journal so that you can remember that there are actually days when you like to run.
  18. Lose enough weight so that your gut doesn’t keep you from tying your running shoes.
  19. Stop becoming so exasperated when your grandma asks you how long your marathon is.
  20. Wave to other runners because apparently this is the etiquette and their feelings will be hurt if you don’t.

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