8 REASONS YOU SHOULD NEVER DATE A RUNNER

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1. With runners, disgusting habits are commonplace. While it is true that during the dating period, we try hard to hide our gross tendencies, this is impossible for runners to do. If you date a runner, he/she will blow snot out of his/her nose, fart, have extreme body odor and often sprint desperately for the bathroom. This is all very normal in the running world but may be slightly unattractive, disgusting and unromantic to the running outsider.

2. Runners will brainwash you. If you date a runner, he/she will inevitably try to turn you into a runner. This is a personal mission most runners have because they want you to love running as much as they do. Stay strong!

3. Runners are masters of using annoying acronyms. If you date a runner, you will likely be confused during pillow talk and happy hours if you do not learn such acronyms as BQ, DNF, DNS, PR, DFL, LSD, VO2 and PW. A sample sentence your runner type might throw at you could be, “I attempted to BQ and get a PR but ended up getting a PW when I came in DFL.”

4. Runners get injured, and then they get bitchy. Most likely at some point, every runner gets injured and will not be able to run. If you date a runner, his/her injury will likely result in crying, anger and depression. You will likely become one big punching bag.

5. Runners have disgusting feet. A runner’s feet will likely be covered in blisters and bunions. Several toenails may be missing. If you date a runner, you might even be asked to rub these feet on occasion, so be prepared (rubber gloves are helpful).

6. Runners are absent for long periods of time, especially when they are training. If you date a runner, you may often feel like you are being cheated on. While you won’t find any secret text messages or lipstick marks on collars, you might find empty GU packets and tissue stuffed in hidden pockets.

7. Runners spend most of their discretionary income on running stuff. You may think that running only requires shoes, shorts and a shirt, but you are naive. There will be watches, race entry fees, fancy shoes, gels, gym memberships, coaches, PT appointments, massages and fuel belts. If you date a runner, know that his/her money is going to running stuff, not you.

8. Runners plan vacations around races. If you date a runner, there will inevitably come a time when you discuss taking an upcoming vacation. Runners will likely suggest vacation destinations based on his/her upcoming dream races. This will also be another opportunity for a runner to do #2 above.

These points are offered as statements of caution. If you decide to date a runner, know that you have been forewarned.

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